


a softer place to fall

by nightswatch



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Fluff, Future Fic, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, NHL Nursey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 15:29:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12111741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightswatch/pseuds/nightswatch
Summary: After not talking to each other for three years, Nursey runs into Dex again when he's traded to Providence.





	a softer place to fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [irnadbfas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/irnadbfas/gifts).



> Another fic that was written for the giveaway I did on my blog :)

**Providence Falconers** @NHLFalcs

#Falcs trade F Brian Hathaway to Seattle Schooners in exchange for D Derek Nurse.

 

 **Falcs Insider** @FalcsInsider

Derek Nurse on wearing #28 for the Falcs: “It was my number in college and I’m excited to be wearing it again.”

 

 **Falcs Insider** @FalcsInsider

Jack Zimmermann was the first one to reach out to Nurse when he got traded, they used to play together in college and kept in touch.

 

 **Falcs Insider** @FalcsInsider

Derek Nurse takes the ice for his first practice with the Falconers and is greeted with an unscrewed water bottle.

|

 _Replying to_ @FalcsInsider

We’ll just leave you with this photo of Noah Cooke looking completely innocent.

 

*

Playing professional hockey was never part of Nursey’s plan. He wanted to write books. He wanted to write poetry. He wanted to share his thoughts with the world.

Then scouts started to show up at their games.

Then he got invited to training camps.

Then he was offered a contract with the Seattle Schooners. Not just the Seattle Schooners, actually, but he ended up signing with them. It was their team and management that convinced him in the end. They didn’t make a big deal about him having two moms. And the fact that Seattle is about 3000 miles away from Providence, which is, incidentally, where William Poindexter found a job at an IT firm after graduation might have played a teeny-tiny role as well.

A lot of his friends never strayed too far from Samwell. Jack still plays for the Falconers and it’s to be expected that they’ll do their best to keep it that way.

Nursey played for Seattle’s farm team for a season, then he made the regular roster the season after that. He didn’t get to finish his third NHL season with the Schooners, though. He didn’t expect that he’d get to stay in Seattle for his entire career, only very few players never stray and aren’t traded, but it’s an especially cruel joke of the universe that the Schooners decided to trade him to the Providence Falconers.

The Schooners needed a forward, sure, two of their guys are out for several weeks, right into the postseason – if they make it to the postseason at all – and as the trade deadline approached, a lot of the guys were starting to get antsy. Nursey kept telling himself that he surely wouldn’t be the one who’d have to leave.

Well, now he’s in Providence.

He’s already survived his first practice with the Falconers and he’ll be in the lineup tomorrow, playing with Noah Cooke. It happened so fast that his thoughts have barely caught up with all.

Nursey almost doesn’t notice when Bitty sets down a grilled cheese sandwich in front of him. Because of course Jack called him about two seconds after he was told that he’s headed to Providence, welcoming him to the team and inviting him to stay in his and Bitty’s guest room.

“I’ve also got a pie for later,” Bitty says, smiling brightly. “It’s so nice to have you back here, sweetheart. Do you need anything else?”

Does he need anything else? A nap, maybe. And the exact location of William Poindexter, so Nursey can avoid running into him for however long he’s playing for the Providence Falconers. “No, I’m good,” Nursey says. “Thanks, Bitty.” He takes a bite of his grilled cheese. Shit, he missed the benefits of living with Bitty. Through a bite of grilled cheese, he adds, “Thanks for letting me stay here as well.”

“No worries,” Bitty says and pats his arm. “Getting traded just like that… must have been a surprise.”

“I mean, sort of. It happens but… I didn’t think I’d end up in Providence. But it’s chill. You guys are here and everything.”

And Dex is also here. But that is also chill, because what are the chances that he’ll actually run into Dex? He has a job, he’s not just going to show up here out of the blue. And Bitty wouldn’t invite him over without telling Nursey. Hopefully. Then he’d have to pretend that he has absolutely no problem with seeing Dex. He could do that for a couple of hours.

Nursey is over Dex. Really. He is. But he still doesn’t want to see him. He hasn’t seen him since graduation.

And despite all of that, he almost wants to ask Bitty if he’s heard from Dex recently. If they see each other a lot. Bitty still has that YouTube channel, but he’s expanded to Instagram as well, and on occasion Dex makes an appearance, so they’re definitely still in touch.

But Nursey won’t ask.

He doesn’t want to know. Or at least that’s what he keeps telling himself.

“Honestly, Nursey, feel free to stay until the end of the season,” Bitty says. “It’s only a few more weeks anyway.” He smiles. “Or a little longer.”

Depends on whether or not the Falconers clinch a playoff spot. It’s looking good right now, but it’s not like he wants to jinx it by saying that out loud. The Falconers won the Cup the year Nursey graduated. He was invited to Jack’s day with the Cup and everything. Dex wasn’t there.  

“Thank you,” Nursey says for what feels like the hundredth time.

Jack wanders into the kitchen and gives Bitty’s shoulder a squeeze in passing. “My dad says hello.” He smiles at Nursey. “And all the best for tomorrow. He says he’ll be watching.”

“Nice,” Nursey says, “no pressure.” He’s met Jack’s dad before, but still. Knowing that a hockey legend will be watching him play and that he’s wishing him good luck is just about the wildest shit that’s ever happened to him.

“It’ll be fine,” Bitty says. “It’s not like it’s your first game.”

It sort of feels like it, though.

*

Nursey isn’t actually surprised that he fits seamlessly into the Falconers’ lineup. He and Noah Cooke click right away – Cookie’s actual D-partner is out long term and the Falcs have been shuffling their D-pairs ever since he got injured last month.

Nursey’s first game with the Falcs isn’t as much of a disaster as he fears. Actually, it isn’t a disaster at all. The Falcs walk out of it with a win and even though Nursey doesn’t get a single point, he still feels like he did well enough. He gets a bunch of pats on the back after the game and on the way to Jack and Bitty’s, Jack says, “Good game tonight, eh?”

“Yeah, pretty good,” Nursey says. “Can’t wait to hear what your dad has to say about it.”

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll chirp you about tripping Cookie with your stick.”

Nursey snorts. “Hey, that wasn’t my fault, he was just so excited about Robbie’s goal.” He was excited, too, but when the game was over, when he walked down the tunnel, his first game in Providence behind him, he was more relieved than he was excited. Sometimes he still feel like he needs to prove something to someone.

People have their opinions on him, of course. In most cases he stopped listening a long time ago, because what does an old man in an over-the-top suit who likes to hear himself talk actually know about him?

“Have you checked the group chat yet?” Jack asks.

“Not yet,” Nursey says. He was too busy talking to the media and the guys, and responding to his parents and his sister, and Bitty, who was invited to a friend’s restaurant opening in Boston tonight, so he couldn’t make it to the game. But Nursey did see that their group chat, occasionally quiet for days on end now, blew up during the game.

Jack only smiles, his eyes on the road.

Nursey grabs his phone and opens the group chat. It seems that everyone he’s ever met watched the game tonight. It wasn’t even his first ever NHL game or anything – his moms and his dad all flew to Seattle just for the day to be there for it – but it makes him feel weirdly warm inside when he reads all the chirps and messages.

Lardo and Shitty have already promised that they’ll come to his next game on Saturday night, after which followed a discussion about whether or not they should bring a _Yo, marry me, Derek Nurse_ sign and if there should be glitter on it, which then sparks another discussion about whether or not they should bring a sign for Jack as well so he doesn’t feel left out.

There’s a message from Dex, too.

_great game you guys_

That’s it.

*

 **Providence Falconers** @NHLFalcs

Derek Nurse scores his first goal as a Falconer in his second game! #Falcs 3 – Aeros 2, and 7:23 left on the clock

 

 **Falcs Insider** @FalcsInsider

Nurse on Zimmermann assisting on his first goal with Falcs: “It’s pretty special, I’m sure I’ll always remember this.”

 

 **Providence Falconers** @NHLFalcs

Our Number 28 is all smiles in the locker room after scoring the game winner.

Full interview → atnhl.com/dn2wp8

 

*

“Nursey, there’s some people here who want to say hello,” Jack says and nudges Nursey out of the locker room.

Outside, there’s Shitty and Lardo, both in Falconers jerseys. Shitty turns around to show Nursey that he’s pinned a piece of cloth with _Nurse 28_ written on it to the back of his jersey. Nursey laughs and then almost chokes when he sees Bitty standing next to them, and next to Bitty, there’s Dex.

“Hey, hi… everyone. You guys. Hello, you’re–” Nursey huffs when Shitty pulls him into a tight hug.

“You scored the game winner just for us, you beautiful motherfucker,” Shitty shouts. “Fucking incredible.”

“Thank you,” Nursey chokes out. He eyes Dex, who’s still hovering next to Bitty, a small smile on his face. He doesn’t look awkward and Nursey honestly doesn’t understand how he manages it, because he’s never felt more awkward in his entire life and he’d love to know how to stop.

But it’s fine. It’s chill, right? That’s what he always told himself at Samwell. He can act normal around Dex.

Nursey hugs Lardo, and Bitty, and, inevitably, he also hugs Dex. When he pulls away, he feels like he held on at least for a few seconds too long, like he just spelled it out for Dex that he never got over him. It’s not like that, though. Sure, he wanted to get away from Dex after Samwell, but once he was away that distance worked its magic. Hockey worked its magic, too.

His entire life was just hockey for a while there. He’s good at it. He made it to the NHL. He didn’t have time to lie awake at night and think about Dex. He thought about him every now and then, but his thoughts eventually strayed when he kept himself distracted. He never expected that he’d flip a switch and that he’d suddenly not be in love with Dex anymore.

Whatever feelings he used to have don’t matter now. Not even a little bit.

Nursey takes a step back and puts an arm around Lardo. “Thanks for coming.”

“So, it’s still early, are y’all coming out for a drink or a snack or anything?”

“I can’t,” Dex says quickly. “Sorry… I still have some work to do.”

“On Saturday?” Bitty asks.

“Just a commission.”

“Oh, you got another one?”

“Yeah, this guy I know from work–”

“So,” Shitty says and pats Nursey on the back, “good to be back, huh?”

Nursey tears his eyes off Dex. “Yeah, it’s, uh… it’s great. Haven’t been back here for more than a couple of days since I moved to Seattle.”

“You staying with the Falcs?”

“At least for this season,” Nursey says. He’s been with the Falcs for approximately two seconds, but he likes the way these guys are around each other. They know about Jack and Bitty, or at least most of them do, and it’s not an issue. It doesn’t come up in the locker room.

Maybe, if Nursey stayed here, he wouldn’t have to worry about falling for a guy.

He went out with a girl in Seattle for a few months. Her name was Lexie and she liked poetry and Disney movies and trying to cook the most complicated recipes. Nursey never fell in love with her, though. After Lexie, he met Ryan. They talked to each other once at the grocery store in the cereal aisle and they never saw each other again after that, but they talked for a while about nothing in particular and maybe it’s stupidly romantic of Nursey to even think it, but Ryan seemed like the kind of guy he could have fallen for.

But Nursey didn’t allow himself to give him and the cheerful guy who couldn’t reach the Cheerios at the grocery store a chance. He walked away and for a while he hated it all. The league, and the players and teams who only pretend to care because it’s good PR, and the attitudes that change so slowly that sometimes it seems like they aren’t changing at all.

That night, he sat down to write again for the first time in weeks. He couldn’t let himself lose sight of _everything_ he wanted.

“It was good to see you,” Dex says before he leaves.

Nursey is probably imagining that Dex looks a little bit guilty. It’s just what he wants to see.

They go out for a late-ish dinner – their game started at four – and all they talk about are things that happened at Samwell. Every other sentence starts with _remember when_ , and while Nursey doesn’t mind going on a trip down memory lane, the more time passes and the more often Dex’s name is mentioned – and it’s mentioned a lot – the more curious Nursey gets.

He has about a billion questions, but if he asked them, he’d basically admit that he’s barely talked to Dex ever since they graduated.

“–but it wasn’t so bad in the end, right, Nursey?” Bitty says.

“Huh?”

“You and Dex?”

“Me and… Dex?” Nursey asks. How does Bitty know about him and Dex? Nursey sure as hell didn’t tell him. It was a secret. Bitty didn’t even live in the Haus anymore when most of that happened. “What?”

“You got along in the end. At least most of the time.”

Right. Okay. False alarm. “Yeah, sure, it was chill.”

They got along in their own way. And if they’d kept going like that and hadn’t screwed everything up in the end, they might still be getting along.

“So, uh, what’s that thing about Poindexter and taking commissions?” Nursey eventually asks. “What’s he doing?”

“He makes furniture.” Bitty frowns. “Didn’t you know?”

“We didn’t have much time to talk recently, like, I was mad busy, you know?”

Bitty’s frown doesn’t disappear entirely. “He made Jack’s bookshelf. The one you said you liked? I thought you knew Dex made it.”

“So he makes shelves?”

“He also made this fucking rad table. It’s like an upside down tree stump,” Shitty says. “Boy’s got skills.”

“He sold that to Robbie, actually,” Jack says. “You should ask him to show you a picture at practice.”

“Didn’t Cookie pay him for a custom shelf, too?”

“And he made Lardo this abso-fucking-lutely beautiful trunk for her paints.”

“Yeah, it’s ‘swawesome.”

“Cool,” Nursey only says. He didn’t know about any of this. Well, he knew that Dex knows his way around a toolbox and Dex once told him that he built a playhouse for his cousins, but this is, like, a whole other level of impressive. He’s actually making money with it.

And Nursey had no idea.

*

It’s about a week later, when Nursey has survived his first roadie with the Falconers, when Bitty knocks on the guest room’s door and pokes his head inside. Nursey is sitting on the bed with his laptop and his notebook, trying to make sense of his thoughts. It’s not going too well.

“Hey, sweetheart, do you need anything?” Bitty asks. “Are you okay?”

“I’m good,” Nursey says. He’s not.

Okay, he is in the way that Bitty is referring to. Nursey was pulled from their game in Columbus for concussion testing after an unnecessarily hard hit, but he’s fine. He just didn’t get up right away.

Still, his mind just won’t shut the hell up. He’s always had too many thoughts and not enough paper to write them all down.

“Well, good,” Bitty says and holds up a plate. “I brought you some cookies.”

“The peanut butter ones?”

Bitty nods and comes over to sit down at the end of Nursey’s bed. “You know,” Bitty says, and something guarded sneaks into his voice, “Dex texted me earlier to ask how you’re doing.”

“Oh,” Nursey says.

“Yeah, now, what I’ve been asking myself is… why didn’t he just ask you?” Bitty goes on. “And then you apparently didn’t know that Dex is selling furniture. Which he’s been doing for a while.”

Nursey scratches the back of his head, unsure if looking at Bitty would be a good idea right now.

“Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened,” Nursey says. “It’s chill. We just haven’t talked in a while.”

A lot of things happened. Nothing is chill. But sometimes Nursey feels like saying _it’s chill_ turns into a reflex whenever things are decidedly beyond chill.

He can’t tell if Bitty believes him or not.

“All right,” Bitty says. “I usually invite Dex over for dinner once a month, so I just figured I should ask, in case that's a problem for–”

“It’s not a problem,” Nursey says quickly. “Seriously, I don’t mind. It’s fine. I don’t care.”

Bitty raises his eyebrows.

Maybe that was a bit too much.

Nursey still adds another, “It’s fine,” because for some reason he thinks that’ll cancel out the other one instead of convincing Bitty that it’s really not fine.

“Have another cookie,” Bitty says. “And let me know if you change your mind.”

Bitty is really trying to give him a way out here, but Nursey isn’t going to take it. He’s in Providence now, and he’s staying with Bitty and Jack, and Bitty and Jack are clearly still good friends with Dex. And if Bitty wants to invite Dex over then Nursey has to deal with it.

If he stays in Providence after this season, he’ll come across Dex even more often and maybe it’s time that Nursey gets over what happened. It wasn’t _just_ Dex’s fault.

*

Dex comes over for dinner the following week on a Wednesday evening.

It’s weird because Dex is wearing a flannel and he helps Bitty cook and they’re all sitting in the kitchen, talking about the Falconers’ past few games, and it makes Nursey feel like he’s back at Samwell, but then Dex moves around Bitty’s kitchen like he’s been here a billion times even though Bitty and Jack only moved into this place last summer and that makes Nursey feel like a stranger.

He and Dex talk, but they don’t really talk to each other. Everything they say is said to everyone in the room; Bitty and Jack are always part of the conversation.

Nursey learns several things about Dex during dinner. He lives in a small apartment but rents an elderly lady’s garage to make furniture. He occasionally goes to Falcs games with one of his colleagues. His name is Barry. As far as Nursey can tell they’re not dating. Not that he cares. If Dex is dating a guy called Barry who also works in IT and likes hockey that’s totally fine. Whatever.

Dex is happy. He _looks_ happy. He smiles more. Or maybe it just seems like he does.

Nursey remembers those quiet moments at the Haus, when Dex fell asleep curled against Nursey, when he woke up again and he smiled at Nursey like he didn’t regret a thing in the world. He remembers, but he’s starting to think that maybe he imagined the peace. Maybe they just ended up in bed together because it was easier than arguing. Maybe that’s all there was to it.

He can’t look away from Dex.

“Do you boys want pie?” Bitty asks and starts picking up their plates. “Dex, honey, hand me that fork?”

“Pie sounds good,” Nursey says. His eyes are on Dex’s fingers, curled around his fork, and he tries not to think about those fingers lazily drawing patterns on his skin in the morning.

Bitty attempts to pile all plates and bowls on top of one another, creating a precarious tower, and glares at the salad bowl in the middle of the table when his hands are full.

“I got it,” Nursey and Dex say at the same time and move to grab it.

“No, leave it,” Bitty says. “You’re our guests.”

Jack smiles sheepishly and takes the salad bowl, following Bitty into the kitchen, leaving Dex and Nursey in the dining room together.

The clatter of plates in the kitchen is the only sound for a moment, mixed with the hum of Jack’s and Bitty’s voices – a quiet, “Sweetpea, can you grab me four plates?” which is followed by Jack mumbling something and Bitty’s quiet laughter.

Nursey still can’t take his eyes off Dex, even though now there’s no one else around to distract Dex and keep him from noticing. Dex is looking back at him, his gaze steady. He opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, but seems to change his mind.

Nursey raises his eyebrows at him in question.

Dex clears his throat, his cheeks turning pink. “So, what’ve you been up to?” he asks.

“Uh, hockey,” Nursey says. What else is he supposed to say? They haven’t talked properly in such a long time and there are so many things he wants to tell Dex, but does Dex really want to hear all that? Nursey almost picked up the phone so many times ever since he left Samwell to talk to him, and now he’s starting to wonder if Dex ever thought about calling him, too. If he ever missed him. If he ever wanted to turn back time and do things differently.

Dex nods. Then he shifts in his seat, his eyes darting to the kitchen door, where Bitty is muttering under his breath and Jack is laughing quietly. “Hey, Nursey, maybe we could–”

“Don’t,” Nursey says. “It’s chill.”

Dex presses his lips together. His face turns a shade redder. “Whatever you say, Nurse.”

“Alright, here we go,” Bitty says cheerily and puts down a pie on the table. The crust is a work of art, parts of the lattice are plaited and there’s little flowers around the rim. Nursey watched Bitty put it together this morning and got to pose with it for Bitty’s Instagram before it went into the oven.

“Looks great,” Dex says and finally tears his eyes off Nursey.

*

 **Providence Falconers** @NHLFalcs

The boys are on fire! Fifth win in a row with goals from Zimmermann, Cooke, Nurse, Robinson and Fitzgerald

 

 **Providence Falconers** @NHLFalcs

With this win, the #Falcs become the third team to clinch a playoff spot this season #GoFalcsGo

 

 **Providence Sports** @PVDsports

Are Derek Nurse and Noah Cooke the NHL’s new dream team? Read more: pvdsports.com/hockey/03-16…

 

 **Falcs Insider** @FalcsInsider

Players missing from Falcs morning skate: Gomez and Nurse

|

 _Replying to_ @FalcsInsider

Fontaine is still on IR

|

 _Replying to_ @FalcsInsider

Coach Ellis confirms Nurse had maintenance day, will play tomorrow, Gomez is day-to-day with lower body injury

 

*

“Dex asked if you’re doing okay earlier,” Bitty says as Nursey helps him put dirty plates into the dishwasher. Nursey can tell that he’s trying to be extra casual.

“Did he,” Nursey says flatly.

“It took a while until they confirmed that you weren’t injured, I guess he just wanted to know.”

Dex could have just asked him personally, because he does have Nursey’s number. Unless he deleted it. Maybe that wouldn’t be surprising. But they’re still both in the group chat, so yeah, Dex could have just fucking asked him personally.

Bitty gives him the curious side-eye, but he doesn’t ask. “Well, I need to finish an article for the blog before Jack and I go out…” Bitty tilts his head. “Are you sure you don’t wanna come to the movies with us?”

“Yeah, no, it’s cool. You guys go out, I’ll hang out here.”

Nursey already feels like he’s bugging Jack and Bitty way too much. He’s not going to third-wheel their date on top of that.

He holes up in the guest room with the book his dad got him for Christmas, but he can’t concentrate on reading. Dex asked Bitty if he was doing okay and it wasn’t even the first time. He has no idea why it pisses him off so much, but Dex clearly doesn’t want to talk to him and doesn’t want anything to do with him either, so why does he even care?

When Bitty comes in to tell him that they’re heading out, Nursey, not at all casually, asks him where Dex lives.

“I’ll write down his address for you,” Bitty says and there’s something very complicated happening on his face. “Although I’m guessing he’ll be at the garage tonight.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t gonna… I’m just wondering.”

“Sure, alright,” Bitty says, retreating slowly. “The garage is just down the street from his apartment building. It’s a blue house and there’s loads of lights and wind chimes on the porch, you can’t miss it.”

“I mean, I’m really not gonna go,” Nursey says.

Bitty smiles. “Okay.”

Jack and Bitty are gone for about ten minutes when Nursey goes downstairs to dig through the fridge, but then his eyes fall on a scrap of paper. It’s on the counter right next to the fridge, like Bitty knew that Nursey would go looking for leftovers and stumble across it.

It’s Dex’s address.

Nursey has no idea how far away it is, but he grabs it, gets his keys and jumps into his rental car. He punches Dex’s address into the GPS and starts driving. He can still change his mind.

But he doesn’t. He keeps driving until he’s at Dex’s apartment building and when he rings the doorbell and nobody answers, he gets back into his car and drives down the street, looking for a blue house with a lot of lights and wind chimes. It’s really impossible to miss. Mainly because Dex is standing outside the garage next to the house, picking up a box.

Dex freezes when he sees Nursey pull up.

For a moment, Nursey considers pretending that he’s lost and ended up here entirely on accident, but Dex is staring at him and there’s no going back from this. He can’t just leave. So he has to get out of the car and say, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Dex says.

“Uh…”

And that’s their whole conversation.

Maybe Nursey could get away with saying _okay bye_ and leaving without saying what he actually came here to say. It’s about damn time anyway, but Nursey successfully managed to get around it because he was far, far away, playing hockey in Seattle, with no incentive to pick up the phone. Dex was trying to talk to him at Bitty’s, but that was neither the right time nor the right place for it.

After what feels like an hour of them just staring at each other, Nursey finally says, “Can I talk to you?”

Dex sighs, shifts his weight, looks around, and nods. “Come in.”

Nursey follows Dex into the garage through a door at the side. There’s tools everywhere, neatly lined up, and a big table in the middle. It looks like Dex is working on a pretty elaborate shelf system. There’s a drawing on the table with the measurements for the boards and it looks like the sort of shelf that’ll cover an entire wall. Nursey would love to have one of those for his books.

“So…” Dex says. He puts down the box and leans against the table. “How are you?”

“Yeah, about that… Why’d you ask Bitty if I’m okay? Why didn’t you just ask me yourself? Did you lose my number?”

Dex blinks at him. “I didn’t want to bug you.” He glares at Nursey. “Why does even matter? Am I not allowed to care?”

“You know what, no, you’re not,” Nursey says. “Like… you dump me and there’s total radio silence for nearly three years and now you suddenly give a shit? You don’t get to give a shit, Poindexter, not after all that. You just don’t.”

It seems so unfair.

They were never a couple, but they were _something_ , and they could have been more than something. They were hooking up for over a year and then Nursey signed with Seattle. He wasn’t going to ask Dex to come with him, but he– He has no idea what exactly he wanted, but he didn’t want to lose Dex.

He was so, so in love with him and after spending all that time trying to convince himself that he wasn’t because Dex would never love him back, he finally managed to admit it to himself, and to Dex. In the end, they just were on completely different pages. Actually, they were in different books.

It’s not Dex’s fault that Nursey was in love with him. Well, maybe a little. But it’s not Dex’s fault that he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, that he wasn’t ready for his family to find out. But Dex was the one who said, “I can’t do this.” He was the one who said, “You’re moving to Seattle and you didn’t even ask me,” like he hadn’t just said that he didn’t want any of this anyway.

They said a lot of things to each other that night. A lot of things they didn’t mean. A lot of things that they should have said sooner. A lot of things they could have resolved if they’d just tried a little harder. But they were mad at each other, and they were never good at talking things through when they were angry.

Dex pushes a pencil back and forth on the table. “Do you remember what you said to me?” he asks.

“What?”

“When we… broke up. Do you remember what you said?”

Nursey shrugs.

“You said, ‘Whatever, Poindexter, it’s chill.’ That’s what you said.”

“Well, what was I supposed to–”

“And you never called me either,” Dex barrels on, his voice getting louder. “It’s not just me who–”

Nursey rolls his eyes. “It’s not like you wanted to be friends and–”

“How the fuck would you know?” Dex snaps.

“You made that pretty clear.”

“Oh, did I?”

“You said you didn’t want to keep in touch.”

“I said I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I never said I didn’t want to be friends. But you acted like you didn’t care anyway–”

“Well, I did,” Nursey shoots back. It’s not what he meant to say, but it’s the truth. He cared way too much.

“Maybe you should have said that instead of _it’s chill_ ,” Dex says. “It wasn’t fucking chill, Nurse.”

Nursey throws up his hands. “It’s not like it would have mattered.”

“That’s bullshit. You always said that, all the time, it was always just that, you never–”

“Well, you never said _anything_. You were always just silent and mysterious Poindexter. I never knew where I was at with you, and when I asked you, you got pissed off.”

Dex sighs and gives the pencil another nudge.

Nursey takes a deep breath. They can stand here all night and shout at each other across Dex’s work table and throw all of this crap at each other, but it’s not going to change anything. It’s not going to fill the silence of the past few years.

“I guess back then I didn’t…” Nursey starts but trails off again. He slowly runs his finger along the edge of the table. “I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t ready either, I just wanted to be, and I wanted you to be, too.”

“Yeah,” Dex says softly, “I wanted to be, too.”

Maybe that’s the most honest thing they’ve ever said to each other.

They were just kids back then. Nursey still doesn’t feel much older and wiser, but he understands now that they both did things wrong along the way.

Dex bites his lip, but he doesn’t say a word.

They look at each other for a moment that drags on and on until Nursey’s phone chimes with an incoming text. Nursey doesn’t move to check it, but it does pull him back to reality.

“So,” Nursey says, “you make furniture.”

A smile slowly appears on Dex’s face. “Yeah.”

Nursey remembers sitting in his room in New York during the summer, remembers talking to Dex on Skype, and Dex saying that his sisters bookshelf broke, because, “She has even more books than you do, I swear. Guess we’ll have to get her a new one. Or I’ll just make it myself.”

And he did.

And now he’s selling custom furniture to all sorts of people. And maybe Nursey is a little bit proud of him. “It’s going well, isn’t it?”

“It’s just a hobby,” Dex says.

“Maybe I’ll buy one of those shelves at some point.”

“Sure. You can order it now. I have a waiting list.”

Nursey grins. “So it’s going _really_ well, huh?”

“Just a hobby,” Dex says again. He looks down at the table, at his tools, then at Nursey. “For now at least.”

“ _Nice_.”

Dex waves it off. “I’m not quitting my day job any time soon.”

“Still. You have, like, a business. That’s cool.” Nursey takes a step back from the table. “Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it. And maybe… I don’t know, maybe we can hang out sometime. If you have time. If not, it’s whatever.”

Dex raises his eyebrows at him.

“I mean, it’d be cool,” Nursey says with a shrug. “Just don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

“We’ll probably just get on each other’s nerves,” Dex says.

Nursey grins. “I sort of missed getting on your nerves.”

“‘Course you did.”

“What can I say, it always brightened my days, seeing you all lobster red, stomping around out room, it was quite the sight.”

“I changed my mind, I don’t wanna hang out,” Dex says, but there’s still the hint of a smile lingering on his face.

Nursey laughs. “See you around, Willy-Nilly.”

“Fuck off,” Dex says, grabbing his sketch and his pencil, grinning down at the table.

Nursey turns to leave, because he doesn’t want to keep bugging Dex when he clearly has work to do, but he stops in the doorway. “Hey, Dex?”

“Hm?”

“I wrote a book.”

Dex looks up, smiling at him. “You did?”

“Chyeah.”

He’s only told his sister and moms at this point. It’s not finished. It’s a whole entire mess. But he wrote a book.

Telling Dex felt so important to him when he finished it, because Dex was the first person he talked to about it. It was late, maybe past midnight, and the lights were off, and they were lying in Dex’s bed, their clothes on the floor, trading lazy kisses, when Nursey mumbled, “I think I want to write a novel.”

And Dex said, “You should.”

Dex didn’t think for a second that he couldn’t do it. And when it was done, Nursey wanted Dex to know, even though it was years later, because all this time it was so important to him that Dex believed in him from the start.

“What’s it about?” Dex asks.

“I’ll tell you when we hang out.”

Dex nods. “Let me know when you’re in town.”

“I can’t believe you don’t know the Falconers’ entire schedule. I thought you were a fan.”

“Get outta here,” Dex says.

“I’m just saying, you’re a fake fan,” Nursey says, and ducks out the door before Dex can throw something heavy at him.

“Bye, Nursey,” Dex calls after him.

Nursey leaves with a grin still on his face. It’s not this easy, of course. When it comes to them, it’s never this easy. They can’t just flip a switch and be friends. But they can hang out. It’s better than nothing.

They’ll hang out and maybe they’ll get to know each other again. Maybe they’ll be able to fill in the blanks. Maybe they’ll be able to be around each other and maybe it’ll only involve a minimum amount of bickering. Maybe.

*

There are still a few games left in the regular season and the Falcs go on a short two-game roadie, so Nursey can’t just drop everything and hang out with Dex. It takes about a thousand texts to arrange it, but when they come back to Providence, Dex takes Nursey to his favorite burger place.

Then Dex comes over to do a video with Bitty for his YouTube channel and he stays for dinner and this time they do talk to each other, Bitty and Jack almost forgotten.

Nursey invites Dex to a game and he ends up bringing Ford and they all hang out after the game. Nursey and Dex get into a not entirely serious fight about how many mugs Nursey broke while they lived at the Haus and they keep going until Ford silences them with a glare.

The more they hang out, the more Nursey feels like Dex is different somehow. Like he’s actually more chill than he used to be, which would, quite frankly, be a miracle.

Nursey spends his last day off before the start of playoffs at the garage with Dex and watches him work on another shelf that looks a bunch of Tetris pieces put together – “The guy I’m making it for is a friend of Ada’s grandson. Ada who owns the garage, that is. He saw it on the internet, I guess.”

“I saw a picture of a bookshelf that looks like a tree branch. Like, you sort of just hang it on the wall or something. It looks ‘swawesome.”

“You want one of those, don’t you?”

“I want an entire tree, dude.”

Dex smirks.

“Could you, uh… make me a tree bookshelf?”

“For the guest room at Jack and Bitty’s?” Dex asks.

Nursey shrugs. “For… wherever I end up.”

“So you’re not staying here?”

“I mean, if the Falcs make me an offer… I don’t know. The way Jack is talking about it makes it sound like the Falcs want me to stay, but you never know.”

“The Falcs are a good team,” Dex says.

“They are,” Nursey agrees.

“Better than the Schooners?”

“Oh, I see how it is, you want all the hot NHL gossip.”

Dex smiles and his eyes crinkle, and Nursey remembers how much he used to love waking up to a smile like that. “There’s hot NHL gossip?”

“Oh, Dexy, you have no idea. News travels fast.”

“I bet. Hey, can you get me…” Dex looks around. “Actually, I’ll get it, I just remembered that you dropped a hammer on my foot once.”

Yeah, okay, Nursey did drop a hammer on Dex’s foot once. He was trying to help, though. Seriously.

Dex grabs a box full of sandpaper. “Well, I guess you’re lucky you ended up here. The  Schooners aren’t going to playoffs.”

“Yeah.”

“You nervous?”

“No, Dex, in the end it’s just another hockey game… is what I would tell you if you were some media dude.” Nursey gives Dex’s leg a nudge under the table. “I mean, you remember what it was like when we played together. I literally couldn’t stop talking the night before our first Frozen Four game because I was so nervous. And remember when slept in your bed the night before the last game in junior year?”

Which was, incidentally, the first time they kissed.

Dex’s cheeks are tinged pink again and Nursey doesn’t even have to wonder if he’s thinking about that night after their win. He totally is. Nursey probably shouldn’t have mentioned it, because now they’re _both_ thinking about it.

“Anyway, you get used to it at some point, it’s bearable, but it’s still the playoffs, y’know?” Nursey goes on. “Hey, are you coming to a game? I could get you tickets. Pretty sure Jack was talking to Lardo and Shitty about it the other day.”

“Yeah, he sent me a text about that, too. I have to check with work first, but I’ll definitely tag along if I can.”

“Cool,” Nursey says. “I’m gonna have to recruit one of you guys to wear my jersey, Jack’s totally overrepresented.”

Dex snorts. “I’m sure you’ll find a volunteer.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, it won’t be me, but I’m sure Shitty would.”

“Rude,” Nursey says and flicks a balled-up piece of paper at Dex.

“You should be used to it by now,” Dex says with a grin.

The truth is, Nursey is just starting to get used to it again.

*

 **Providence Falconers** @NHLFalcs

Cooke on losing Game 7 in OT: “Of course it’s disappointing, but we’ll rest up and give it another try next season.”

 

 **Falcs Insider** @FalcsInsider

“This team is a great group of guys and they made me feel welcome right away” – Derek Nurse on his time in PVD

|

 _Replying to_ @FalcsInsider

also says he hasn’t talked to Falcs management about re-signing yet: “We were all focused on playing hockey.”

 

*

Losing an important game always leaves Nursey with an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach.

It all happens in a matter of hours. Before the game you try your best not to think about the outcome, you just focus on giving your everything, but afterwards you wonder why you’re so fucking disappointed, because there’s only two options in the end – you either win or you lose.

Bitty is waiting for them at home after they get back from locker room clear-out and their exit interviews.

Before taking him home from the rink for the last time this season – maybe the last time ever if Nursey doesn’t sign a contract with the Falcs – Jack patted Nursey on the back and said, “You played well. I’m glad you ended up on our team.”

“Me too,” Nursey said. He really, really wants to stay. He wants to keep playing with Cookie. He wants to keep being part of the family that is the Providence Falconers.

Bitty pulls them both into a hug as soon as they come in through the door. He did the same when they came back from the airport yesterday.

“Are you boys hungry?” Bitty asks.

“I’m just gonna…” Nursey nods at the stairs. He wants to be alone for a little while and maybe take a nap.

“We’ll be down here if you need anything. And there’s pie in the kitchen.”

“Thanks, Bitty,” Nursey mumbles and nudges Jack before he sneaks off.

He has no idea what’s going to happen next.

He’ll definitely visit his moms and his sister like he does every year and he’ll have to figure out what team to sign with. A lot of his stuff is still in Seattle and he’ll have to find a new place _somewhere._ He has a feeling that the Falcs will want to keep him around and that they’ll make him an offer sooner or later, but there’s still this small voice at the back of his mind that keeps saying, _But you don’t know for sure_.

Nursey sits on his bed with his laptop and pulls up his novel. He tinkers away at if for a half an hour, adding a paragraph here, deleting half a sentence there, then he picks up his phone and scrolls down to Dex’s number.

He doesn’t call.

He edits a few more sentences.

Nursey can hear the sound of the TV downstairs and thinks about joining Jack and Bitty after all, but he still can’t decide if he can take talking to people right now.

He picks up his phone again.

Dex sent him a text yesterday. Just him. It wasn’t a group chat thing. It was the regular stuff – _sorry you didn’t make it to the next round_ , and _I was rooting for you guys_. Stuff the rest of their friends wrote in the group chat. And then Dex also said, _call me if you need anything_.

During senior year, after tough losses, they always curled up in bed together and that’s exactly what he needs right now. He just wants to sleep, doesn’t want to talk, but he also doesn’t want to be alone.

His finger hovers over Dex’s number. Whatever, he’ll just ask. And if Dex doesn’t have time, it’s fine. He probably has to go to work in the morning, so Nursey prepares for rejection.

Dex answers after the second ring and says, “Hey, you okay?”

“Hey, uh, Dex…”

“Yeah?”

“Can I come over and, I don’t know… I’ll pay for dinner and I’ll sit on your couch in absolute silence and I won’t bug you and I’ll leave in a couple of hours.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Did you want to go to the garage, because–”

“Nursey… just come over, okay?”

“Okay.”

He’s on his way ten minutes later, after telling Jack and Bitty that he’s heading out. They both didn’t comment, at least not while he was still in the house.

Dex opens the door for him, wearing sweatpants and an old Samwell shirt, and he pulls Nursey into a hug as soon as he’s in through the door.

“Come on,” Dex says and pushes him over to the couch. “So, no talking?”

“Must be a dream come true for you, right?”

“Hey, I don’t mind talking to you as long as you aren’t being obnoxious about… everything.”

“Chill, Poindexter, I’ve left being obnoxious behind.”

“You’re being obnoxious right now,” Dex says, “so you clearly haven’t. What happened to no talking?”

“I meant, like, no talking about hockey.”

“Ah,” Dex says. “I already ordered pizza. I got one with your favorite edgy vegetable topping.”

Nursey grins and flops down on the couch. The thing is, Dex gets this. He knows exactly how to deal with Nursey right now. He sits next to him on the couch and leaves him be.

Dex pays for the pizza and Nursey doesn’t protest, because he knows how much Dex hates arguing about money, and they watch _Mulan_ , because Disney movies are always a safe bet with them. And there’s absolutely no hockey in _Mulan_.

“Do you want a beer?” Dex asks halfway through the movie.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Anything else? Popcorn?”

Nursey shakes his head.

“A hug?”

Nursey almost wants to say no, wants to give him the standard, _It’s chill, Dex_ , but it’s not chill, and Dex knows it isn’t. Nursey is sad that they lost and that’s fine. He looks over at Dex, trying to figure out if he really means it.

Dex tilts his head in question and Nursey nods, so Dex wraps an arm around him and for the first time Nursey realizes that coming here might have been a bad idea. Dex is warm against his side and it’s so easy to lean into that warmth and scoot a little closer. With his head on Dex’s shoulder, Nursey can feel Dex’s heartbeat and it’s faster than it should be, but maybe Nursey is just imagining things.

Maybe he just wishes that Dex feels like he can never let Nursey go again. Because that is – as inconvenient as it is – pretty much exactly what Nursey is feeling right now.

Coming here was totally the worst idea he’s ever had.

Hashtag catastrophe.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Honestly. He thought he was over Dex. He doesn’t know if he’s staying in town. Everything is up in the air. He has no idea what exactly he’s feeling, but he does feel Dex’s heartbeat and it’s real and it’s quietly telling him the truth.

Slowly, carefully, Nursey puts his hand on Dex’s chest and Dex sighs and pulls him a little closer.

Nursey closes his eyes. He can’t talk about this right now. He can’t even _think_ about this. He spent so much time with Dex during the last couple of weeks, how the hell didn’t he realize? Probably because his head was full of hockey and Dex was like a breath of fresh air, but Nursey never had enough time to overthink it.

“It’s okay,” Dex mumbles.

If Nursey wasn’t this exhausted, he’d probably realize that that’s the William Poindexter version of _it’s chill_. But because he is this exhausted, Nursey just falls asleep, his head tucked under Dex’s chin.

When he wakes up, they’re still in the living room. The TV is dark, but the lights are still on. Dex is fast asleep. Nursey tries to sit up, but Dex pulls him right back down. He used to do that at Samwell too. When Nursey tried to get up, Dex would never let him go, but Nursey soon figured out that there was a way of escaping. It involved a lot of wiggling.

He could just wiggle away right now.

But he doesn’t.

*

Nursey wakes up on the couch on his own, a blanket wrapped around him. He finds Dex in the kitchen, already dressed for work, making coffee. He looks up when Nursey appears in the doorway.

“So…” Nursey says.

“Coffee?” Dex asks.

“Yeah, okay, coffee. Sure.”

Dex pours him a cup and hands it to him. “So…” Dex says, picking things up where Nursey left off.

“I shouldn’t have come here yesterday,” Nursey mutters. “I don’t know, it wasn’t… I didn’t mean to… We’re still cool, right?”

“Nursey, I don’t even know what exactly happened last night…”

“Nothing happened,” Nursey says.

Dex only shoots him a glare in reply.

Okay, maybe something happened. Something shifted. Something clicked into place.

“It doesn’t have to be anything, it’s–” Nursey bites his lip. Dex is very, very quiet, just like he used to be back at Samwell, and Nursey is utterly lost. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking a lot of things.” Dex puts down his coffee cup. “Nursey, do you think you’re going to stay in town?”

A lot depends on the answer to that question, Nursey can tell, but that doesn’t change that he doesn’t have one. “I don’t know,” Nursey says.

Dex nods like he was expecting as much.

And that’s it, isn’t it? That’s it. Because whatever feelings he has for Dex and whatever feelings Dex has for him, well, he doesn’t know if he’s staying and that’s the end of the story.

*

 **Providence Falconers** @NHLFalcs

The #Falconers have signed D Derek Nurse to a four-year contract. More: atnhl.com/2ch4pl

 

*

“What do you think?” Nursey asks.

“You don’t have furniture,” Dex says, looking around Nursey’s future living room.

“I don’t, but…” Nursey grabs Dex by the shoulders and gently nudges him until he turns around. “Over there.”

“What’s over there?”

“It’s an empty wall,” Nursey says. “And it’s the perfect place for a bookshelf that looks like tree branches.” Dex is the first person he’s showing this place. It was the empty wall that convinced Nursey in the end. He could see that shelf there.

“I thought you wanted a tree?”

“Well, a whole lot of branches, then.”

Dex grins.

Nursey thought things would be awkward between them after he spent the night at Dex’s, but they were just obvious. It was obvious that Nursey kept finding excuses to come over. It was obvious that Dex didn’t mind. It was obvious that they were both just waiting to see if there was any chance for them at all.

He’d lie if he said that he signed with the Falcs just because of Dex. He signed with the Falcs because he likes their management, and because he likes the team, and because they made him the best offer. That doesn’t mean that he didn’t think of Dex two seconds after he’d signed his name, though. He wasn’t in Providence when he signed, he was sitting at his moms’ kitchen table in Manhattan, but now he’s back in town and he’s standing in his empty living room with Dex, who’s really the only person he wants to be standing here with.

There’s a strange sense of anticipation in the air.

“You should have told me that you were asking me to come over for business,” Dex says, “I would have brought my notebook.”

“Nah, I just wanted to show you.”

“Oh.”

“Dex.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m staying.”

Dex huffs. “Yeah, I know.”

“Dex.”

“Stop saying _Dex_ like that.”

“Like what?” Nursey asks.

“Like _that_.”

“Dex,” Nursey says again, because sometimes he just can’t help himself. It’s time. He’s been waiting for weeks and it’s really, finally time. “Do you wanna go out with me?” He’s always wanted to ask Dex that question, even back at Samwell. He’s ready to ask that question now. He just hopes that Dex is ready to give him an answer.

Dex huffs out a quiet laugh. “Yeah, sure, I’d like that.”

“Cool,” Nursey says.

Dex reaches out to take his hand. “You know what, when people ask us how we got together, I’ll tell them that you asked me out and that you said _cool_ when I said yes.”

Nursey bumps his shoulder against Dex’s. “Shh…”

Dex squeezes his hand.

Well, since Nursey is already making an ass of himself anyway… “So, how would you feel about making out in my empty living room?”

Dex laughs, grabs him by his shirt, and pulls him into a kiss.

“You have no game whatsoever,” Dex says between kisses.

“You are making out with me, though.”

“Yeah,” Dex says, kisses Nursey’s cheek, and adds, “you’re lucky you’re hot.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated :)
> 
> I'm @zimmermaenner on AO3 if you want to drop by!


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